JEWISH HUMOR
The Indian Holiday
Becky, an elderly Jewish lady from New York City, goes to her travel agent and says, “I want to go to India.” “Why India? It’s filthy, very hot, and it’s filled to the brim with Indians. It’s a long journey, and those trains, how will you manage? What will you eat? The food is too hot and spicy for you. You can’t drink the water. You must not eat fresh fruit and vegetables. You’ll get sick – hepatitis, cholera, typhoid, malaria, God only knows. What will you do? Can you imagine the hospital, no Jewish doctors? Why torture yourself?” “I want to go to India.” The necessary arrangements are made, and off she goes. Becky arrives in India and, undeterred by the noise, smell and crowds, makes her way to an ashram. There she joins the seemingly never- ending queue of people waiting for an audience with the guru. An aide tells her that it will take at least three days of standing in line to see the guru. “That’s okay.” Eventually Becky reaches the hallowed portals. There she is told firmly that she can only say three words. She is ushered into the inner sanctum where the wise guru is seated, ready to bestow spiritual blessings upon eager initiates. Just before she reaches the holy of holies, Becky is once again reminded, “Remember, just three words.”
Unlike the other devotees, she does not prostate at his feet. She stands directly in front of him, crosses her arms over her chest, fixes her gaze on his, and says: “Sidney, come home.”
How He Got His Job
David has done well for himself and is Mayor of a small town in Israel. One day, David and his wife Andrea are walking past a construction site. Suddenly, one of the construction workers stops and calls out “What’s new, Andrea?” “Why, it’s nice to see you again Avi,” Andrea replies. She turns to introduce David to the construction worker, and they speak for several minutes. After David and Andrea continue on, he turns to her and asks how she knows Avi.
“Oh,” Andrea said. “We went to the same high school. I even thought about marrying him.” David began to laugh. “You don’t realize how lucky you are. If I hadn’t come along, today you would be the wife of a construction worker!” Andrea replied without hesitation, “Not really. If I had married him, he’d now be a Mayor!”
Q: What’s the best way to always remember your wife’s birthday?
A: Forget it just once.
If God had intended Jewish women to exercise, He’d have put diamonds on the floor. – Joan Rivers
WISDOM
Jewish people say good-bye, but never leave.