A Jew and a non-Jew are traveling on a train together when suddenly the non-Jew (goy) asks “Why are you Jews so smart?” The Jew is quiet for a moment and then says “its because of all the herring we eat.” A few hours later the Jew takes out some herring and starts to eat it. The goy asks “how much herring do you have?” and the jew answers “a dozen pieces”. “And how much do you want for a piece?” “20 kopecks” (a lot of money). The man hands the money over and the Jew gives him a piece of herring. “He takes a bite and says suddenly “I could have bought this same herring in Moscow for a few kopecks.”. To this the Jew responds, “see youʼre getting smarter already.”
Schmulik from Chelm visited another town. A local man asked him: “How many cookies can you eat on an empty stomach?” Schmulik replied, “Oh, about five…” The local guy replied, “No, you’re wrong! You can only eat one. After that you stomach’s not empty any more!!” Schmulik returned to Chelm and asked Moysheh, “How many cookies can you eat on an empty stomach?” Moysheh answered, “Two.” Schmulik told him, “Too bad. If you had said, ‘five’, I would have had a great joke for you.
Do you realize that in 40 years, weʼll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!