JEWISH HUMOR
Jaywalker
The jaywalking problem in New York City reminded me of a time when I was on a visit to Jerusalem with my children. As we waited patiently at a busy intersection for the “walk” signal, a young man sped across the street against the light. An elderly gentleman waiting with us turned and said sadly, “Two thousand years he’s waiting for the Messiah, and he can’t wait for a light.”
Listen to the Rabbi
A man has been in business for many, many years and the business is going down the drain. He is seriously contemplating suicide and he doesn’t know what to do. He goes to the Rabbi to seek his advice. He tells the Rabbi about all of his problems in the business and asks the Rabbi what he should do. The Rabbi says “Take a beach chair and a bible and put them in your car and drive down to the edge of the ocean. Go to the water’s edge. Take the beach chair out of the car, sit on it and take the bible out and open it up. The wind will rifle the pages for a while and eventually the bible will stay open at a particular page. Read the bible and it will tell you what to do.”
The man does as he is told.
Three months later the man and his family go back to see the Rabbi. The man is wearing a $1,000 Italian suit, The wife is all decked out with a full-length mink coat and the child is dressed in beautiful silk. The man hands the Rabbi a thick envelope full of money and tells him that he wants to donate this money to the synagogue in order to thank the Rabbi for his wonderful advice. The Rabbi is delighted. He recognizes the man and asks him what advice in the bible brought this good fortune to him. The man replies: “Chapter 11.”
Funny Ting
The temple board president, a very pious jew, was extremely distressed in receiving the news that his only son has converted to Christianity. He is so besides himself that he goes to talk to the Rebbe, the highest authority he knows. He says “Rebbe, Rebbe what have I done wrong? I brought him to Temple every day. I taught him everything that I was taught, gave him all I was given. Where, where did I go wrong?”
The Rebbe says “Funny ting, my only son too, he has converted to Christianity. I, too, can not figure out what went wrong, after all I am the Rebbe, surely my teachings and guidance should have been sufficient.” The Rebbe continues “There is only one thing we can do, we must speak to a higher authority still. The Rebbe and the Board President make there way to the sanctuary and they begin to speak to G-d. They say:”Oh, Adoni, where have we gone wrong, our only sons have shunned us and converted to Christianity, what shall we do? Where did we go wrong?”
A big booming voice is heard from above to say; “FUNNY TING!”
WISDOM
It doesn’t matter what temperature the room is –
It’s always room temperature.