JEWISH HUMOR
A Rabbi and a frog in a bar
A Rabbi walks into a bar in Brooklyn with a frog on his shoulder. The bartender says where did you get that? The frog says “They’re all over Brooklyn!!!”
Dried Peas
Two rabbinical students were caught by the Rabbi gambling and drinking in the company of undesirable characters — even before the sun set on the evening of the Sabbath. The Rabbi called them into his study the next day. Both confessed to having given in to weakness, and admitted that they deserved punishment. The Rabbi thought and then went into his kitchen and brought back two bags of dried peas. “Put these in your shoes,” he told them, “and walk on them for a week, to remind yourself how hard life can be when you turn away from the Law.”
A few days later the two students met. One was limping terribly, had dark circles under his eyes, and looked very tired. The other seemed much as he had been the week before. “Hey,” said the first. “How is it that you are walking so freely. Didn’t you do as the Rabbi told us and put the peas in your shoes?”
“Of course I did,” said the other. “How could I disobey the Rabbi?” He started to walk away, paused and then said, “But I boiled them first.”
Soon To Become a Millionaire
Abe’s father is a widower and a multi-millionaire. He also has a terminal illness and is likely to pass away soon. Abe, a single man, decides he needs a woman with whom to enjoy his soon-to-be-received fortune and where better to find one than in a single’s bar. With luck, on his first visit, Abe meets Rifka, a woman whose beauty literally takes his breath away. “I’m just a standard kind of a nice guy,” he says to her, “but in a week or two’s time my dear father is expected to die and I’ll inherit over 20 million.” Rifka goes home with Abe and the following day becomes his stepmother…
WISDOM
Going to church doesnʼt make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car!