JEWISH HUMOR
Jewish Weight-Lifting
My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigors of blacksmithing. He said he would stand outside behind the house and, with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out to his sides and hold them there as long as he could. After a while he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 50 pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100 pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than a full minute! Eventually, he even started putting some potatoes in the sacks.
Studying
Bella was the only Jewish girl in her class at an exclusive school in Scottsdale. Quite rightly, she considered herself a lucky girl since, in those days, only gentiles were admitted. Bella’s closest friend was Cynthia, a Greek Catholic. When the girls took their final examinations, Bella passed with straight A’s but Cynthia failed miserably.
“I just can’t understand it,” complained Cynthia. “Just before the tests I lit candles to St. Peter, St. Barnabas and several other saints, and look what happened!”
“I lit a candle too,” said Bella.
“What! You, a Jew lit a candle? To whom?”
“To nobody. I lit the candle and stayed up all night, studying.
Ten Again
A man asks his wife, “What would you most like for your birthday?” She answers, “I’d love to be ten again.” So on the morning of her birthday, he gets her up bright and early and off they go to the local Theme Park. What a day! He puts her on every ride in the park, the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear…everything there is! Wow! She staggers out of the Theme Park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right into McDonald’s they go, and her husband orders a Double Big Mac for her along with extra fries and a refreshing strawberry shake. Then off to a movie… it’s the latest Star Wars epic, and hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola and M & Ms. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbles home with her husband and collapses in to bed. He leans over lovingly and asks, “Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?” One eye opens and she groans, “You idiot, I meant dress size.”
WISDOM
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?