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JEWISH HUMOR


 

 

Immortality
“I don’t want to achieve immortally through my work. I wan to achieve immortality through not dying.” – Woody Allen

Always At My Side
Her husband has been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet his faithful wife stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. “When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side.
“You know what?”
“What dear?”, she asked gently.
“I think you’re bad luck.”

Three Envelopes
Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been. “Sidney thought of everything”, she told them. “Just before he died, Sidney called me to his bedside. He handed me three envelopes. ‘Tillie’, he told me. ‘I have put all my last wishes in these three envelopes. After I am dead, please open them and do exactly as I have instructed. Then I can rest in peace’.”
“What was in the envelopes?” her friends asked. 
“The first envelope contained $5,000 with a note, ‘Please use this money to buy a nice casket’. So I bought a beautiful mahogany casket for him. “The second envelope contained $10,000 with a note, ‘Please use this for a nice funeral’. I made Sidney a very dignified funeral and bought all his favorite foods for when we began shiva” (7 day time of mourning.. 
“And the third envelope?” asked her friends.
“The third envelope contained $25,000 with a note, ‘Please use this to buy a nice stone’. At that point, Tillie held up her hand and pointed to her ring finger, on which was a ten carat diamond ring. 
“So”, said Tillie, “You like my stone?”

WISDOM
Acupuncture is a jab well done!

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