The Israeli Farmer
A Texan is visiting Israel, and feeling thirsty, he stops at a house along the road. “Can you give me a drink of water?” asks the Texan. “Of course,” says the Israeli, and invites the Texan to come in. “What do you do?” says the Texan. “I raise a few chickens,” says the Israeli. “Really?” says the Texan. “I’m also a farmer. How much land do you have?” “Well”, says the Israeli, “out front it’s fifty meters, as you can see, and in the back we have close to a hundred meters of property. And what about your place?” “Well”, says the Texan, “on my ranch, I have breakfast and get into the car, and I drive and drive…and I don’t reach the end of the ranch until dinnertime.” “Really,” replies the Israeli. “I used to have a car like that.”
Two little boys talking: I’m getting operated on tomorrow
Oh? What are they going to do?
I had that done when I was just a few days old.
Did it hurt?
I couldn’t walk for a year!
Two Jewish Bees
Two bees buzz around what’s left of a rose bush. “How was your summer?” asks bee number one. “Not too good,” sez bee two. “Lotta rain, lotta cold. Not enough flowers, not enough pollen.”
The first bee has an idea. “Hey, why don’t you go down the corner and hang a left? There’s a bar mitzvah going on. Plenty of flowers and fruit,.” Bee two buzzes, “Thanks!” and takes off.
An hour later, the bees bump into each other again. “How was the bar mitzvah?” asks the info-bee. “Great!” Sez buddy-bee. The first bee peers at his pal and wonders, “What’s that on your head?” “A yarmulke,” is the answer. “I didn’t want them to think I was a wasp.”
If you steal a calendar, you’ll get 12 months