Miriam goes to see her rabbi and complains about her bad headaches. She whines, cries, and talks about her poor living conditions for hours. All of a sudden, Miriam, overjoyed, “Rabbi, your holy presence has cured me! My headache is gone!” To which the rabbi replies, “No Miriam, it is not gone. I have it now.”
Maurice has a business appointment, and he arrives a little early. The receptionist points to a comfortable easy chair and asks him to be seated for a while. Maurice settles down, picks up a glossy magazine opens it, and tries to read. However, he finds that he cannot concentrate because he is distracted due to a rumpus coming from behind one of the doors leading off the reception area. Maurice goes over to the receptionist and asks, “What’s going on in there?”
She replies, “It’s a partners’ meeting.”
“But why are they shouting at each other?” Maurice asks.
“It’s a battle of wits,” she replies.
Maurice asks: “Who is in there?”, and she answers, “Horowits, Lebowits, Rabbinowits and Abramowits.”
Abe’s son arrived home from school puffing and panting, sweat rolling down his face.
“Dad, you’ll be so proud of me,” he said, “I saved a dollar by running behind the bus all the way home!”
“Oy Vey!” said Abe, “You could have run behind a taxi and saved $10.00.”
Any time a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami sandwich with mayonnaise on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.