Good News and Bad News
The Good News, Rabbi: The Sisterhood voted to send you a get well card.
The Bad News: The vote passed by 31-30.

The Good News, Rabbi: The Board accepted your job description the way you wrote it.
The Bad News: A search committee has been formed to find somebody capable of filling the position.

Lawyer Humor
A guy phones a law office and says: “I want to speak to my lawyer.” The receptionist replies, “I’m sorry but he died last week.”
The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, “I told you yesterday, he died last week.”
The next day he calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says, “I keep telling you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?” The guy says, “It gives me such pleasure to hear you say that.”

The Hearing Test
An older gentleman was concerned about his wife’s hearing. He decided to test it without telling her. He went to the corner of the room about 15 feet away from her and said, “Honey can you hear me?”
No response..
So he went about 5 feet away from his wife and again said, “Honey can you hear me?” Still no response…
So he leaned over the back of her chair and raised his voice asking, “Honey can you hear me?” 
His wife put the paper down and turned towards him saying, “Yakkov, I said ‘Yes’ three times!”

Intaxication: Nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place

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