School Lunch
It was lunchtime at the Jewish nursery school and all the children were lined up by the teachers. Then, as usual, they were led into the canteen. Little Moshe quickly noticed that at one end of the dining table was a large pile of apples with the message, “Take ONLY ONE apple each, God is watching.” At the other end he noticed was a large pile of kosher chocolate chip cookies. Moshe then whispered to his friend Sarah, “We can take all the cookies we want. God is watching the apples.”

The Art Class 
Rebecca was a kindergarten teacher. One day, during her art lesson, as she was walking around the class observing the children while they were drawing, she stopped at little Leah’s desk. Leah was working very diligently at her work. Rebecca said, “What are you drawing, Leah?” 
Leah replied, “I’m drawing God, teacher.”
Rebecca paused and then said, “But no one knows what God looks like. Leah.”
Without looking up from her work, Leah replied, “They will in a minute.”

Q: Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife?
A: Under the vacuum cleaner.

Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American-Princess horror movie?
A: It’s called, ‘Debbie Does Dishes’

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

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